Today

TODAY

Jara dhammomhi, Jaram Anatito,
I am of the nature to grow old, I have not gone beyond decay
Vyadhi Dhammomhi, Vyadhi Anatito
I am of the nature to be diseased, I have not gone beyond disease
Marana Dhammomhi, Marana Anatito,
I am of the nature to die, I have not gone beyond death
Sabbehi Me Piyehi Manapehi, Nana bhavo Vina bhavo
All that is mine and dear, Will change will Vanish…

Today…. I am a day closer to my death bed.
A day closer to my heart stopping and my skin tightening and turning grey,
Today…. I am a day closer to rotting meat and blisters forming on my exterior,
From bloating, from maggots, and worms eating at my flesh,
Magnificently decomposting  this body six feet under,
Until nothing is left, but bones, hair, nails, teeth and hopefully.... a legacy of goodness

This beautiful and wonderful youth and freshness will be gone..
This gentle voice, this quick mind… will no longer exist…
All those Ipads, Iphones, Macs and Tabs, futuristic cars and Premier Homes
Will no longer matter…
And my stupid boss, well… only god knows where he will be

Today…. By the clearing of 89,000 acres of land,
Or nearly 30 million trees … mutilated, maimed, mangled and marred
I will be choked by the air made by man for my good…
And proudly contributing to the falling number of bees,
From all the wonderful crops, modified and made for just for me..
Today… I will be consuming unwholesome foods,
Sold freely on shelves, high sugared and fortified to ensure I get all the nutrients I need
So I can reach a ripe old age…
Where medical costs will rise, and I’d finish paying for my home when I’m 65.

Today I will learn that black gold is valued more than life,
And that wars should be started to protect ones right..
That it doesn’t matter who suffers or get kills,
That in another place another time some unfortunate woman is  ravaged..
Its ok…. Because it’s not me…
Today I had three meals. Breakfast , lunch and dinner, sometimes i even get supper and tea..
While some other person took their last breath from hunger...
But it’s ok..... coz it wasn’t me....

Kamma sakomhi, Kamma Dayado
I am the owner of my Kamma, I am the heir of my own kamma
Kamma Yoni, Kamma Bandhu
I am born from my own kamma, I am related to my own kamma
Kamma Patisarano.
I abide supported by my own kamma
Yam Kammam Karissami,
Whatever Kamma I shall do
Kalyanam Va Papakam Va, Tassa, Dayado Bhavissami
Whether Good or evil, of that I shall be the heir….

Reflections

I was very taken by a quote I managed to catch a glimpse of recently as i was scrolling through facebook while waiting for a client.

" The amount of Happiness you have can only be as much as the amount of space you have in your heart"

I did not manage to catch who's quote it was but I find this so wonderful and meaningful and so true. You can never be very happy if you carry much greed, resentment and anger in your heart cause it just takes too much space that there are less moments for happiness.

Day by day we are turning into robots.. as we are caught in the whole process of accumulation and  chasing never ending achievements. Moving forward and back between past and future. Never being fully present at the moment. Always trying to get somewhere or away from something.. Seeking a pat on the back from peers and bosses.

Its an endless state of confusion of rushing to places where we don't really know where or what or how. Drifting through the air like a leaf in the breeze... Not feeling, or thinking.. only moving through the motions unfulfilled and trying to find a ground which we call happiness and why does it all fail?

Because our hearts are so filled with expectations of how we think we should be treated, or from past resentments kept within our hearts, from frustration of dreams unfulfilled, from our ignorance and twisted ideas, wanting more and more and not realizing we are co-dependent on our environment.. we are forever trying to fill the hole in our hearts..

But how can we possibly pour pure water into a contaminated cup without having poured the contaminated contents out and expect it to be clean and abundant? Keep it simple... clear the gunk and the cup will fill...

When emotions arise

Sitting here just contemplating on my emotions, and listening to Ajahn Brahm trying to find the humour in it.

Anger...
I hate it when i get angry...
its such a choking sensation..
Where the sensation rises from the heart to the head ( hence the term Tou Fung/ crazy)
And fingers get filled with a pulsating sensation.

Frustration....
Comes with the feeling of poor me...
where the heart chakra having twisted and twirled upwards takes a fall
and the heart cringes just a little..

Annoyance..
An emotion that starts putting fault on another..
where for some ( me) will cause me to take action and be a little more confrontational

Acceptance..
Now this is a more positive one...
Thats when the heart cools...
Heart rate slows down... and things get more positive

And its... Ladida dida.... obladi oblada

Theres a war happening my friend,
when cars are honking and fingers tap endlessly,
When man abuses wife and people rob shamelessly,
when walking in malls, bring fear and animosity...
towards motorists that come near..
And the people that we hold dear,
no longer feel safe..

Theres a war happening my friend...
when predators prey on the young through Facebook.
When the fat, the thin, the feminine man is bullied by peers..
Or when the innocent is hated because of color or creed...
And when man attacks man.
For oil... for greed.

Its a war when Political agendas become a norm,
and innocent people are forlorn,
Where reality is twisted to suit a minority,
and manipulated workers make up the majority.
Its a war when the religious condemn,
When people are oppressed,
When children carry guns,
When man hate man
Just because....

When does it end?

When women ( And i say women, because man is just so over used)

When Women embrace their humanity,
When people stop worrying about Adam and Eve..
It could be Eve and Eve or Adam and Steve,
Does it really matter.. ? Why do people bother..?

When differences are forgotten, and similarities embraced,
When we all stand up for equality, regardless of sexuality, creed, color or race.
When its no longer ME !
But YOU & Me or WE.
Where we all work towards a greater good...
Striving to become our very own Robin Hoods...

Then perhaps the war will end....

Samsara...

I can't help but reflect upon these past few days and smile...
It all started with runny bums since Saturday night...

It's now Wednesday... and has been particularly eventful....
And just a run through of emotions will tell you why...

First thing in the morning..

Indifference...
Longing...
Laziness...
Sleepiness...
Craving..
Shock...
Anger...
Frustration...
Tears...
Letting go...
Laughter...
Awe..
Brain Block...
Impatience..
Dislike..
Acceptance..
Surprise...
Deep Focus..
Mentoring...
Tiredness...
Guidance ignored...

and it all ended with a Bump.... Deep calmness.... Me RM200 ringgit poorer...
a big smile on my face....
Inner Joy..
Peace...

The day is over...
I get to make myself some dinner now...

Getting back into it all

I Once wrote this prayer for myself as a daily contemplation. Well of course it doesn't always come out that way... on certain days it changes. Its been a while since i contemplated on this, or the 8 verses for the training of the mind...

Made some edits..

Whatever good that i have done, in the past, present and future i share with all beings,

If by thought, speech and actions i have done any harm to any beings, I sincerely ask for forgiveness,

May i continue to receive guidance, blessings and protections,

And meet the right people, at the right time and right places.

That we may both benefit....

If i ever go astray, may i have humility, the courage and the wisdom,

to return to the right path again.

May i continue to be surrounded by people of a similar purpose, ( Kalyana Mittas

's)

And may the light it my heart continue to grow for all those i hold dear.

If ever i am sick, my body broken or my heart shattered,

May i be able to smile and my mind forever be bright and clear,

And may i have the insight and the ability,

to give generously with right method and right intention. ( May I have the wisdom to know when and when Not to give)

When starving may i be able to give my last morsel of food,

to another whom or whatever may need it more,

At times of confusion, by gods grace,

may i be able to listen without judging and give without asking.

When conditions are harsh and at times of trouble,

May my heart be soft, be gentle, and my mind firm and strong,

May my purpose unfold, and my aspirations be fulfilled,

May i continue my work, according to gods will...

Sadhu... sadhu... sadhu...

Voices

Hormones raging..
Emotions blaring....
A heart enraged...
wounded ........
Drips.....
sometimes i wonder if there are demons inside me...

The chatter of mind..
Voices ....
Hearts and minds clashing...
Voices....
When will it all end?

Soul mates meet....
the fights horrendous......
An unavoidable circumstance ...
Essential to growth..

Overbearing- aloofness
Resilient - indecisive
blunt - tactful
calm - chaotic
When will it all stop?

When waters run still and merge to flow...
When Yin meets Yang and the energies grow..
When individuals work and speak as a pair..
When soul mates realize that the issues are really not there...

Then it is silent..........