Just random contemplations

Looking back these past few months..
It has been a major roller coaster ride..
Physically, emotionally and mentally..
So much has happened and so much has changed...

I've become stronger in some ways..
commiting to something and going all out for it..
Tho my methods may not always be correct...
I'm learning...


Yes.. at times it's frustrating...
As it always is when i try to put my views across..
Something i have not always been good at..
Sometimes it comes out wrong....


I have not been as calm as i normally am..
possibly because of what is at stake...
But then again... this is a start...
This is a beginning....
And i will pull thru...
and from this... I am sure, comes bigger things...


I always wanted a space.... green, calmness and clean air...
Where people come to heal....
Now i have green walls.... and polluted air...
Calmness can be created.... people can still come to heal...

It dosen't get better then this....
At least not for now....

At this moment... this is where i am ment to be...
I shall no longer fight it.
Lets just Work on the being....
Lets just work on the now...
I remember my prayer....



"By thought, speech and actions, whatever good merits done
in the past present and future i share them for the welfare and benefit of all beings,
May all beings be free from suffering and it's causes,
May all beings find happiness and it's causes.
May all beings take care of themselves happily.

May i bring healing, peace, love and truth to the world,
And may i be guided and guide in time of need,
May i meet the right people at the right time and the right places,
That work be done for the betterment of all beings
May i continue to grow in wisdom and compassion for the benefit of others

And if at any time this affirmation is shaken...

And at the moments when i am weak, and lose my sight,
May I have strength, humility and wisdom to walk the straight path again. "

So Be it.... So be it... So be it...

And it shall be done...

I do not think it's hard to get me to talk,

Just that i need things to instigate the conversation,

As a child i was always contemplative..

thinking about the ways of the world...

planning how i'd like my life to be....

I always had difficulty talking about emotions.

Writing was always easier..

I wanted to be a spiritual guru you see..

And was always avoiding getting too deep in the so called worldly path..

I visualized a big land, where people would come and heal,

where they would then go out and train others and continue the healing cycle.

I visualized a world full of love and abundance..

Now that i am grown, i find, things are not always like that...

i am not always able to connect to my higher being, for at times i'm lost

Many instances i have reacted with lack of wisdom..

There are no manuals to refer to you see...

and judgements can sometimes be severely clouded.

Wat started good, may not always be the best.

I have found that people are nice,

And that certain things happen for certain reasons.. which i mostly dunno what.

A guest told me during my worst times it was a phase...

this challenge i faced, and it was part of finding spirituality...

We sometimes need to see our worst to find our best

We laughed at each others worst habits...

Hers arrogance, mine a martyr... never voicing my thoughts..

Each having a payback that is hard to drop...

I was so adamant about walking a spiritual path you see...

and now i find myself going into something i swore i would avoid...

Perhaps i need to find the spirituality in the business world...

It's not about the handling of people you see... thats the easy part...

It's about keeping the business running...

How do I do that and still not lose part of myself?

How does a business person earn and reach the dream without pressing on others?

Perhaps it's time to just reach the dream without pressing on others..

Perhaps it's just about let go and just be......

I shall meditate now....

Two sides of a coin

Black- white

rough - smooth

Hard - soft

Two sides of a coin.

There is never a right side or a wrong side

Never a good side or a bad side..

It's just a complimenting side....

When there is one, there will be the other

When there is good there will be evil...

So really.... why do we fight so?

No more me...

I have lost it, i am no more me....

for i no longer catch glimpses of what i used to be...

i no more shine or run like i did...

I have lost it, i am no more me....

Innocence lost.... as i grow old..

Eyes once opened can never close...

Things seen or heard can never be erased..

I have lost it, I am no more me...

Parts have died, ugly parts reborn,

confusion, depressions, occasionally scorned..

Thoughtless I'm told...

And maybe it it so...

I have lost it, I am no more me...

So what now, when one has died...?

but to move on and go with the flow?

Harden hearts, and thickened souls...

Once compared, I am no more me...

Thoughts.... just thoughts

Just sitting alone, contemplating on the different people that has come in and out of my life...

Paying tribute to the people that have picked me up when times were bad...

My first memory of an Angel was this girl called Racheal.

I must have been only 7-8 years of age then... and had a friend named Angela..

We were pretty close, being the only Asians in the class... We were in Papua New Guinea you see.

And for some reason Angela and I had a falling out. Tho we were close, somehow she always made me feel inferior to her.... guess i was her feel good bag of some kind.

And yes, she was very pretty and i at that age... average.. and still am..

And so Angela and i didn't talk for days... and i remember Racheal getting us together and making us shake hands....

I will never forget that gesture, she didn't have too.

I recall her always being very supportive and kind in heart..

Never putting people down, and at that age finding ways to guide people through..

She always picked me up when i was down, made sure i was ok..

Always had kind words.....

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I have some great friends in Singpore too,

They always show me such great hospitality,

keeping me updated on prayer events and such.

Meng for sure, never lets me leave without giving me something.

And if i was out with Gu Gu... well rest assured she will never let me pay for a thing..

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There is also Karen whom i met in Burma...

We shared a room, and she came late into the retreat... a doggie like me..

I liked her instantly and once we started talking it was pretty hard to stop..

Sometimes she really sees through me... but never in a bad way...

I was addicted to peanut candy then... and wanted to bring some home to KL..

It was the last day and we had to part.

Karen took a plane from Maymyo to Yangon, where i took the long bus ride.

Upon arriving at the Hotel, i found that she has left me some money to buy candy to bring home.

And i remember being very touched, as she left me USD10 with a little note.

We talked rather frequently on the phone after that, and she would always sent me Metta when i was down. And it always worked...

talk about super powers. :)

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Then there are the friends that have been really supportive..

checking In on me every now and then.

And i really appreciate that.

Thanks for the love....

Ramblings of a disturbed mind.

My mind is usually the clearest in the mornings, right after a good nights sleep.
When my analytical controller mind has yet to be awaken from it's slumber,
Here's what happened...

Topic of the day.... some words i heard many many years ago, when an ex broke up with me.
" Sometimes love just ain't enough" Mind you, it's also a lyric from a song... back to the topic. At that moment of time, when i heared it i often wondered why...

Love conquers the world, so we are told. Everything can be healed by love... i agree.
But people are two sides of a coin. When there is Love.... unless of course you are a saint, there will be hate.

The hate of being let down, the hate of being called names in anger, the hate of your lovers attention being on someone else, the hate of obliging to things you really wouldn't agree on.... Now how would love overcome that, when the hate is the sourced from that same love?

Some people would call me passive, as i often do not verbalise my opinions. In some ways i would agree, as i only verbalise them when i feel the other is willing to listen. I really would not agree in shouting matches, and i rarely allow myself to get into one but choose to remain silent.

Eg: my boss thinks lowly of the rest of the staff, Chinese ones not included, and often refers to them as doing things without thinking, unable to open up their minds and think further, and always suspecting people of doing things behind his back. Then he wonders why they won't discuss things with him. Well honestly, if i were them i wouldn't bother too.

For as much as he say's they having an equal discussion, they are not. There can never be, if one has already concluded that the other has a closed mind, and fail to see that people have different opinions and come from different back grounds. Just because one thinks one idea will work, it does not mean the other will fail.

I do not believe that calling people such has any benefit at all. I think it boarders on verbal abuse. Lucky for me in my past relationships, my partners have cushioned and encouraged me through my weaknesses, and guided me through them, sometimes impatiently. And not shove it in my face. But really.... how does telling someone they are stupid help them grow? If thats the first words that come into a conversation, you can definetly be sure, they will only hear 30% of what you say after. Angry or not angry.....

After any shouting match, or in my case being shoouted at, it usually takes me quite a few days to recover. My aura gets pierced with many daggers and holes when people send their angry energy towards me. ( Mental note: strengthen aura) Hence, i choose to not say things in anger the best i can, and if i had to, ensure the angry energy is contained. For sure, it takes time for me to clear my pent up anger, and i do feel sorry for the poor person that may annoy me enough for some of it to be released towards them. Reckless drivers included. I choose to release the anger in other ways.. ( mental note of need to exercise and meditate)

I no longer know why i stopped exercising. i really should get started. ( Mental note, find exercise partner or join a race)

Oh well..... life goes on. Like a friend just recently shared " you should never be sad in moments in life when there is suffering" and i have added " for if you are sad, then you had better devote all your energy to never be born again/ or to living eternally in heaven" which ever suits you most.

now back to work

PODs The Backpackers Home

PODs

Power of dreams..
People on Drugs
Prince of darkness....

This new place of mine surely does bring out many different faces of my personality.
From faith and determination, ups and downs, to fear and discouragement...
But i must say, it definaetly has brought a lot of spiritual people our way...

From those in the faith, to those seeking their faiths,
and every single person has a different story, a different view,
from the liberals to the extremes.....

No rights, no wrongs...
Just Power Of Dreams....
It's funny how the intention to draw spiritual people actually draws them...

So here's a new Intention to send to the universe...

People that come to PODs will heal and grow in the ways best for them...
PODs is visited by those near and far....
PODs sustains the stresses of time smoothly...
PODs is filled will love and compassion....

PODs is filled with abundance...
I Love PODs, people love PODs
PODs is clean and beautiful
So be it, So be it, So be it.......

PODs The Backpackers Home............. ROCKs