Dreadful feelings..

Have you ever awoken with a deep feeling of dread?
A feeling with unknown reasons, no matter how far or wide you look?
Have you ever felt like it could be some sort of premonition,
that somewhere, somehow something has changed?

And you look around to find that everything seems the same.

And then the logical mind kicks in and says..
"Trully, trully, you believe not so..
it's all in the mind, i'm sure you know..
those little games, those little tricks, are plays of the mind..
Who are you to even think you can feel that which you do not see?
Who are you to even judge, the winds that blow across the seas?"

But how am i to ignore the winds, thou it plays not in my head..
This chill i feel, a chill piercing deep..
what it means i know not..

Yet i know.

And so i shall, patiently wait..
for the task which i will hold in my hand..
And pray i shall for the strength to succeed...
The courage to fight all i can...

A Bodhisattva rediscovered.

Today i was most fortunate to have been able to watch the movie titled The Passion, directed by Mel Gibson. This Movie is in Aramic, which i feel really adds on to it's authencity. I am definetly no expert on Christianity, butI was greatly touched and inspired by this film. It actually left me contemplating.. thus, i shall share a scene or two that remains in my memory. In one scene, Jesus quoted: " If you only love those that you love, what reward is in that? This reminds me of another verse i saw in a hospital, which said: If you can't love the brother which you have seen, how can you love god whom which you have not seen?



The first verse makes me think of how easy it is to have compassion for those whom we like and love. And how hard it is for even the best of us to find compassion for those that have hurt us. After all.. isn't it so much easier to stay in our own little boxes, and our own little worlds and neglect all else which we deem unimportant? One thing is for sure... that person whom we may hate, that begger on the street, that drug addict, that transexual, that gay or lesbian, that person of a different race or country, or religious belief.. That person dear friend, is important to someone else. That person, when given the right causes and conditions has the potential to turn into a luminous, beautiful gem. So who are we to judge the mud which covers the gem? How different are we from anybody else? What gives us the right to judge? Our wealth? Our level of education? Or is it really our own rightousness, Our ego thats judgemental?

Would you at the moment of death, when in agony and pain be able to pray for, forgive and willingly take on the suffering of all beings. And look upon those whom have wronged you with love? I know i can't. But HE did.. and for this.. and all of his wisdom and compassion, i think of Jesus as not just the Son of Man.. but a great Bodhisattva. One that i have recently rediscovered.

Something to reflect on

This morning as i was sitting in silence i suddenly remembered a verse from the buddha someone used to tell me. Here is the english translation with Pali taken from the book Pali recitation for meditators by Sujiva.

I am of the nature to decay - ( Jaradhammomhi )
I have not gone beyond decay - ( Jaram Anatito )
I am of the nature to be diseased - (Vyadhi Dhammomhi)
I have not gone beyond disease - (Vyadi Anatito )
I am of the nature to die - (Marana Dhammomhi )
I have not gone beyond death - ( Marana Anatito )
All that is mine and dear - ( Sabbehi Me Piyehi Manapehi )
Will change, Will vanish - ( Nanabhavo Vinabhavo )

I am the owner of my own kamma - ( Kammassakomhi )
I am the heir of my own kamma - ( Kamma Dayado )
I am born from my own kamma - ( Kamma Yoni )
I am related to my own kamma - ( Kamma Bandhu )
I abide supported by my own kamma - ( Kamma patisarano )
Whatever kamma i shall do - ( Yam Kammam Karissami )
Wheather good or evil - (Kalyanam Va Papakam Va )
of that - ( Tassa )
I shall be the heir - ( Dayado Bhavissami )
Thus by Us - ( Evam Amhehi )
Should (these) be frequently recollected - ( Abhinham Paccavekkitabbam )
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When i read this verse it reminds me of how fragile life is, and that sickness aging and death are a natural occurance. When i die.. i leave behind my wealth, my fame, my friends, family, loved ones, my car, my house my possesions and everything which i hold important. That which i have strived to gain and achieve in this material word is lost. It really does make me wonder why our world is filled with the chaos of trying to preserve our youthful looks, owning bigger houses and cars, and the need to have fame or power.

Don't get me wrong.. i'm not saying that we should all quit our jobs and live in caves. I only ask that we, take time to reflect upon our priorites, our thoughts, speech and actions. After all if you believe that what goes around comes around.. and you keep biting others, one day you'll find that your ass is getting badly chewed..

So from today onwards, i shall be determined, i shall make a greater effort to live a moderate life, do no harm to others and to develop more compassion towards all beings no matter how small. I shall waste less, recycle more and maybe even start a compost bin. I shall develop loving kindness to all which i see. And most of all, i shall be determined to hold my tongue, fingers and thoughts.. when some crazy road bully, "god bless his soul " swerves in front of me.

A prayer

It's been such a while since i last blogged, i guess is due to all the excitement in my life right now. And yes, this is one of the days that i desperately need to cut my hair, and let some of the tenseness and brain boiling go... But that is not why i am writing today. This morning i awoke feeling a little gloomy, it was just one of those days where you get up on the wrong side of the bed, because you slept on the wrong side. One of those days where the night didn't end too well and things get carried forward to the next morning. Guess we all get that. .

As i was looking through the paper I saw the the article which read " Myanmar Opens it's doors". Hoping that things will quickly improve in Myanmar and China and recalling the three months i spent among the gentle and kind people on myanmar, i felt great empathy for the people there, and this prayer came to mind... a prayer i once said and still say till today...

What ever good that i have done, in the past, present and future i share with all beings,
If by thought, speech and actions i have done any harm, may i be forgiven,
May i continue to receive guidance, blessings and protections,
And meet the right people, at the right time and right places.

If i ever go astray, may i have humility, the courage and the wisdom,
to return to the right path again.
May i continue to be surrounded by people of a similar purpose,
And may the light it my heart continue to grow for all those i hold dear.

If ever i am sick, my body broken or my heart shattered,
May i be able to smile and my mind forever be bright and clear,
And may i have the insight and the ability,
to give with right method and right intention.

When starving may i be able to give my last morsel of food,
to another whom may need it more,
At times of confusion, by gods grace,
may i be able to listen without judging and give without asking.

When conditions are harsh and at times of trouble,
May my heart be soft, be gentle, and my mind firm and strong,
May my purpose unfold, and my aspirations be fulfilled,
May i continue my work, according to gods will...

Riddles Riddles Riddles

For some weird reason during a conversation last night, a friend said something that triggered something in my mind. So i made it into a riddle, which then became a topic of discussion during dinner tonight. After all, we all like riddles right? especially if we can solve them. It goes like this:
If a person is Good at one moment, and is bad at another moment,
Which is the real moment?
And of course YOU, the reader will say.. it depends on if he is bad more, or good more.
But then... what if the moments were equal? Then how would you decide? the continuation of the riddle goes like this:

If in the day the sky is blue, and at night the sky is black,
Which is the real sky?
Really... there is not true right or wrong answer. Please do try to remember this. I only ask that you read this with an open mind and i shall try my best to explain what i think, as eloquently as i can, with my extremely limited words.. This little speck of dust, is requesting that YOU dear reader, take a look at possibilities, and what you can create with possibilities. link the two riddles, and you'll get a clearer picture.

If a person is good at one moment, and bad at another moment,
If in the day the sky is blue, and at night the sky is black,
which one is real?
My answer is all are real and all are false. So there is no real and there is no false. Now the reason i say this is because, everything that we perceive is biased in one way or another. We gauge and measure it according to some other experience or mental conditioning. It's all about perceptions, and perceptions can change at any moment. And because perceptions change all the time, everything is the truth, yet it is not. Get it? In other words, is it there or is it in my head ?

If you think of it as being as being over there, then that's how you will experience it. But it you think that it's in your head, then you get a whole new experience. Things become a little more complicated, you'll see that your perception of something is shaped by the mental constructs (thoughts) that you impose on it... Yes yes... you may now be thinking, "but what about the good and bad ? How can you compare nature with something where people have a choice?" Well... can you see where your mind has focused to? What if the riddle had been:
If at one moment the sea is in High tide, the next moment it's in low tide,
If in the day the sky is blue, and at night the sky is black,
Which one is real?
Would your thoughts still be the same?

So now.... with this in mind... Think about the possibilities. Can you choose to view the world differently from what it already is? Can you choose to view everything in a non-judgemental and loving manner? After all.. we all want peace and happiness right? Think about it..... What possibilities are you capable of creating? After all I am just a little speck of dust in a vast universe.. but i choose to think that how i think or view the world does make a difference. How about you?

A Fit of Insanity

Today was just like any other ordinary day. I woke up early, did my morning routines and went straight to my desktop and started working on my assignments. By noon, i was sweating like a pig. I had the fan turned off; my very own contribution to the fight against global warming. It's rather pitiful, but i try my best. That's when a thought arose... "I need to get a hair cut. Shave my head bald if i must. I must get a hair cut NOW"
Yes, i do get a little bit uptight about my brain boiling from additional insulation, so i happily called my hair stylist to make an appointment. Hair cuts, you see are a great destressor for me, and it is very important for me to get it cut when i feel the urge. I really can't explain why. So i called my hairstylist and He, unfortunately, being an extremely popular guy was too busy. So i decided to delay the hair cut and went to the gym instead.
So there i was, trying to motivate myself to run for 10 minutes after a full day of sitting in front of the computer. Half way through my leg workout the thought came again.. " I need a hair cut, i need one NOW". Being the self proclaimed psychologist that i am... i nicely talked myself into doing a few more leg extensions and suppressed the Id in me. The inner child, Id.
It was storming outside, surely it would be crazy of me to walk out to the hair dresser right?
But before i knew it, i found myself storming out of the gym, with my wallet and gym towel over my head walking in the rain to the stylist opposite the gym. It was closed. And in my great desperation i walked around the block looking for a place to cut my hair, still thinking " must get hair cut NOW"
Then Lo and Behold as i was about to accept defeat, I found a saloon... It was something like an Ah Lians Saloon. To me, it was Divine intervention, I've been to this area before and i have never noticed this saloon in the second floor of the shop houses. So i walked up the stairs.
Inside, the walls were white, the room was rather bare and there were only a handful of chairs, and yes.. the lady who cut my hair, was a somewhat old school Ah Lian. But i was desperate... so i sat down and got my hair cut. After that i had a nice sweet smile on my face.... my hair was cut... i was happy.. It really didn't matter how i looked, or who cut my hair... my brain was feeling cool and my heart was happy.

My moment of insanity had passed......

Why do I blog?

Hmmm ... this is a very interesting question. Honestly, i never thought I'd ever start a blog. I was one of those few people who thought "why the hell would i want to let the whole world know what I'm doing?" and " isn't it bad enough that we read so much gossip in magazines and papers, do we really need more on the Internet.?" Well, i guess things change. People change, thoughts and perceptions change. I now think blogs are a great way to share experiences and thoughts.



So i guess that's why, on this night, as i was driving my very old worn down car, i had a light bulb experience. A sudden enlightenment... I THINK I'LL START A BLOG. And so here i am, writing a blog. Thanks to instructions from a friend i got everything started. This is a whole new world to me... and what can i offer to the world? What do i hope to achieve by writing here?



Well.... nothing much actually, after all I'm just a little speck of dust in this vast universe. But then, i was once told even a little speck of dust can make a difference. So here i am, sharing my thoughts, my experiences with other little or maybe big specks of dust. And hey, you never know... we just might make a difference, in our very own weird way......