Reflections

I was very taken by a quote I managed to catch a glimpse of recently as i was scrolling through facebook while waiting for a client.

" The amount of Happiness you have can only be as much as the amount of space you have in your heart"

I did not manage to catch who's quote it was but I find this so wonderful and meaningful and so true. You can never be very happy if you carry much greed, resentment and anger in your heart cause it just takes too much space that there are less moments for happiness.

Day by day we are turning into robots.. as we are caught in the whole process of accumulation and  chasing never ending achievements. Moving forward and back between past and future. Never being fully present at the moment. Always trying to get somewhere or away from something.. Seeking a pat on the back from peers and bosses.

Its an endless state of confusion of rushing to places where we don't really know where or what or how. Drifting through the air like a leaf in the breeze... Not feeling, or thinking.. only moving through the motions unfulfilled and trying to find a ground which we call happiness and why does it all fail?

Because our hearts are so filled with expectations of how we think we should be treated, or from past resentments kept within our hearts, from frustration of dreams unfulfilled, from our ignorance and twisted ideas, wanting more and more and not realizing we are co-dependent on our environment.. we are forever trying to fill the hole in our hearts..

But how can we possibly pour pure water into a contaminated cup without having poured the contaminated contents out and expect it to be clean and abundant? Keep it simple... clear the gunk and the cup will fill...

When emotions arise

Sitting here just contemplating on my emotions, and listening to Ajahn Brahm trying to find the humour in it.

Anger...
I hate it when i get angry...
its such a choking sensation..
Where the sensation rises from the heart to the head ( hence the term Tou Fung/ crazy)
And fingers get filled with a pulsating sensation.

Frustration....
Comes with the feeling of poor me...
where the heart chakra having twisted and twirled upwards takes a fall
and the heart cringes just a little..

Annoyance..
An emotion that starts putting fault on another..
where for some ( me) will cause me to take action and be a little more confrontational

Acceptance..
Now this is a more positive one...
Thats when the heart cools...
Heart rate slows down... and things get more positive

And its... Ladida dida.... obladi oblada

Theres a war happening my friend,
when cars are honking and fingers tap endlessly,
When man abuses wife and people rob shamelessly,
when walking in malls, bring fear and animosity...
towards motorists that come near..
And the people that we hold dear,
no longer feel safe..

Theres a war happening my friend...
when predators prey on the young through Facebook.
When the fat, the thin, the feminine man is bullied by peers..
Or when the innocent is hated because of color or creed...
And when man attacks man.
For oil... for greed.

Its a war when Political agendas become a norm,
and innocent people are forlorn,
Where reality is twisted to suit a minority,
and manipulated workers make up the majority.
Its a war when the religious condemn,
When people are oppressed,
When children carry guns,
When man hate man
Just because....

When does it end?

When women ( And i say women, because man is just so over used)

When Women embrace their humanity,
When people stop worrying about Adam and Eve..
It could be Eve and Eve or Adam and Steve,
Does it really matter.. ? Why do people bother..?

When differences are forgotten, and similarities embraced,
When we all stand up for equality, regardless of sexuality, creed, color or race.
When its no longer ME !
But YOU & Me or WE.
Where we all work towards a greater good...
Striving to become our very own Robin Hoods...

Then perhaps the war will end....

Samsara...

I can't help but reflect upon these past few days and smile...
It all started with runny bums since Saturday night...

It's now Wednesday... and has been particularly eventful....
And just a run through of emotions will tell you why...

First thing in the morning..

Indifference...
Longing...
Laziness...
Sleepiness...
Craving..
Shock...
Anger...
Frustration...
Tears...
Letting go...
Laughter...
Awe..
Brain Block...
Impatience..
Dislike..
Acceptance..
Surprise...
Deep Focus..
Mentoring...
Tiredness...
Guidance ignored...

and it all ended with a Bump.... Deep calmness.... Me RM200 ringgit poorer...
a big smile on my face....
Inner Joy..
Peace...

The day is over...
I get to make myself some dinner now...

Getting back into it all

I Once wrote this prayer for myself as a daily contemplation. Well of course it doesn't always come out that way... on certain days it changes. Its been a while since i contemplated on this, or the 8 verses for the training of the mind...

Made some edits..

Whatever good that i have done, in the past, present and future i share with all beings,

If by thought, speech and actions i have done any harm to any beings, I sincerely ask for forgiveness,

May i continue to receive guidance, blessings and protections,

And meet the right people, at the right time and right places.

That we may both benefit....

If i ever go astray, may i have humility, the courage and the wisdom,

to return to the right path again.

May i continue to be surrounded by people of a similar purpose, ( Kalyana Mittas

's)

And may the light it my heart continue to grow for all those i hold dear.

If ever i am sick, my body broken or my heart shattered,

May i be able to smile and my mind forever be bright and clear,

And may i have the insight and the ability,

to give generously with right method and right intention. ( May I have the wisdom to know when and when Not to give)

When starving may i be able to give my last morsel of food,

to another whom or whatever may need it more,

At times of confusion, by gods grace,

may i be able to listen without judging and give without asking.

When conditions are harsh and at times of trouble,

May my heart be soft, be gentle, and my mind firm and strong,

May my purpose unfold, and my aspirations be fulfilled,

May i continue my work, according to gods will...

Sadhu... sadhu... sadhu...

Voices

Hormones raging..
Emotions blaring....
A heart enraged...
wounded ........
Drips.....
sometimes i wonder if there are demons inside me...

The chatter of mind..
Voices ....
Hearts and minds clashing...
Voices....
When will it all end?

Soul mates meet....
the fights horrendous......
An unavoidable circumstance ...
Essential to growth..

Overbearing- aloofness
Resilient - indecisive
blunt - tactful
calm - chaotic
When will it all stop?

When waters run still and merge to flow...
When Yin meets Yang and the energies grow..
When individuals work and speak as a pair..
When soul mates realize that the issues are really not there...

Then it is silent..........

Relationships

It has definitely been a very contemplative day today......
And the main question I had in mind was why do relationships end?
Do couples drift apart because they loose sight of what is important?
or do couples get tired of each other when things get a little too hard?
Or perhaps there is an imbalance in the giving and taking in the relationship.
Surely there is a void that is not filled that causes two people that were So very much in love in the beginning to decide.... " This is not working"
Without denial, some relationships can be destructive, where verbal or physical abuse occurs with differing levels...
But why.... why does this all happen?

Due to our own insecurities ? An attempt to control another and have them act how we want them to?
For most, I do think it unrealistic to expect people not to change...
If you have ever dated... the honeymoon period is always the sweetest. There is lots of flirting, everybody is extra attentive, there is a fear that this new found love will walk away.
Everything is intense....
As time goes on... reality catches up... ( wish it wouldn't ). Work needs to be done, chores get in the way, things break down... then there are bills to pay.. etc
The real test begins...
Couples get a little tired of each other, and they forget to look for the positive side in each other.. and focus on the negatives.

Suddenly words are less sweet and and more hurtful...
Actions become more individualistic... perhaps because people need space?
And when insecure... we start wondering.... why is our partner acting that way?
And for some... they pry and pry, and put each other into a corner and eventually, it all falls apart.
Someone recently told me, "for a relationship to really work one should practice selective hearing, take the good stuff and ignore all the criticisms even if they can be condescending "

I don't believe that love ever dies... it transforms...
Into a deep caring and concern... a different type of love...
I do not believe that you could ever erase a person out of your life after they have touched your heart.
How could one delete another after all that was shared?
Breaking up should never mean, get out of my life...
Unfortunately for some it may turn to hate... It should never be that way.
For others it turns awkward... But why would it be so?
If we are able to show our vulnerabilities and spill our guts to a partner... are we not able to do so with  a friend? One that knows so much about ourselves, even after the physical intimacy ends?

If we only focus and the anger, hurt, frustration or the feelings of betrayal in a relationship,
then we are bound to miss the potential of a great friendship after...

Just thoughts... edited and reposted

Celebraties parting...
A Wife cooking and cleaning...
A little girl crying...
A man having an affair...
An angry husband punching...
Gay people kissing,
Thin women winning...
Fat people Losing...
War.
Disharmony...
Peace.
Love...

White collars working,
blue collars striving,
Mean bosses Raving..
Endless lists piling...
Lottery winner celebrating...
Homeless man begging...
Protests raving..
Governments ignoring..
Corruption building...
Some parties denying..

Tossed and turned we are manipulated by airways that enter our homes..
From the BBC,  the ABC, TV1 to TV3...
Painting the world with a false sense of democracy..
Sensor ship boards showing us what they want us to see..

When does that all stop?
When the people have the freedom to vote freely?
or when politicians work to the true meaning of liberty?
When the power lies with the people, and the people decide who's in power?
Can there really be a true democracy or are we just finding an alternative to our reality...

There are moments in time where we wake up and drag ourselves out of bed, to work, to places... due to exhaustion, trauma, major changes in life, not wanting to face certain things...

I'm sure we all have had instances where people have beaten us down, and we find it hard to pick ourselves up again. Life never goes as planned..... there will be moments like stress, things not working out at work,  someone you respect and care for saying negative things at you.

I remember when i was young i always never felt i was good enough for my father. He always had a way of pushing us, in the most demeaning way. " well maybe not to that extreme" but at a young tender age, it certainly did bite, when we did something wrong and he'd tap our heads and call us stupid. Or when he'd imply we were useless for not helping with chores or was too slow to react.

When i was in my teens i learned the art of avoiding him, of course I knew he meant well, but still... just because i understood, it doesn't mean it didn't hurt, and his words tho spoken with good intention, was also spoken with judgement.  I recall, the many times my mother would get agitated  to the brink of tears by his battering on her so called imperfections.

I use to seriously ponder.... is that all necessary? To comment or make remarks, just because people may not be acting or reacting the way we want them to... Do we all not have the right to just be in our own space and yet still fit in with the crowd? Can't people share moments together and enjoy

I do know that sometimes we make comments with good intentions, like my dad does ( he has a big heart ) but he also fails to realize that as great an intention he may have... people may have differing opinions...
"It's never fully white or black... Most things are grey" and his remarks are rather hurtful... as honest and truthful as he thinks he is.....

So question is.....  who's at fault?

The listener or the sayer? Truth is... i think no one is.....  its just a matter of how much one can swallow... and how pure the intention of the comments....
"

Reality

What is real? I have asked myself a many times....
We all look at the world differently, though I do believe our realities coincide..
Everything rises and falls...
Our emotions, our thoughts... our passions... All things are subject to change,

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and silently watch someone else do it wrong.


I stumbled upon this.... how true I found it... 
If reality is our reality, and not necessary somebody else's....
Who am I to take it upon myself to judge and feel a need to correct them..?
I have not been empowered to break someone down and build them up again... especially if they have not given me permission to do so...
It is not my right to stop someone from learning their lives lesson, for if I had them do things the way i think best... they would be learning mine...


There is a big difference with giving feedback and being tactless and hurtful.... or pushy and domineering.


Sometimes, Silence is the way to go...

Something to Ponder

" Time is the Present Breath: - Ven. Ajahn Chah.

How true it is....