Complexities of practice

Metta or loving kindness is one of the most profound teachings in the world...

It begins sending loving thoughts to yourself, loved ones, acquaintances, all beings and eventually you enemies...

Easier said then done...

It's always easy to send happy thoughts to people whom you love..

but what if you hate your enemy and secretly wish misfortunes befall them...

Like in cases where that person caused you to lose your job? or your wife is cheating on you with them or worst still.. they killed the person you cherished most...

What then? Would you still be able to generate metta towards them?

Or would the heart feel immense pain at the thought of them?

Why is there pain? due to injustice? righteousness?

lack of understanding?

Well.. i guess a good way to contemplate on it is that certain karma is causing events to unfold..

And it's always better to clear it now... then later..

Contemplate on who is feeling the pain...

Why? what? how? From where?

try to over come the anger

Then send the metta...

But still.... take the precautions to prevent bad incidents from happening again...

Being ok with the enemy does not mean... let them take you for a ride...

I vote for Metta with action and self defense....

Relationships

Relationships are such complicated things...

Expecially when expectations and frustrations get in the way...

It's funny how at the beginning when one is thrilled to have met someone,

everything is so beautiful...

We are so thrilled at the thought that someone would find little plain me interesting

that we think they are perfect...

They smell good, are just so sensitive.... are so good looking....

Know the perfect things to say... at the right times...

I can depend on them... i have someone to share by life with...

Maybe all my troubles will go away... etc etc..

And everything about this person seems to be a beautifully sung song...

And you make plans and plans and plans....

But what happens next?

Expectations get in the way...

Expectations on how we think that person should be, should think, should act...

You see.... everyone is in their best behaviors in the beginning,

Hence the saying of the 3, 7, 9 year challenge...

The period of time when commitments to each other increases as life progresses and people take steps to build something together or when challenges pop in.

Be it a loss of a job, a new child getting born or going to school or even getting a promotion.

Suddenly the same song becomes irritating...

Like a thumping beat in the background calling

when there are a million things that needs to be done...

And everything comes in a swarm... and things get hard to handle.

Now of course there will be some that think.. " No..... I never lash out or get grumpy, trust me... you do "

Now the big question is.....

What has happened to the relationship?

Did expectations get in the way?

Were we hoping to be swept off our feet and all the stress will ease?

Was the other a jerk?

Were we being selfish, thinking that our issues were more important?

Did one of us not hear what the other was saying?

Or was one of us being judgmental or un-supporting?

There is only so much that one can handle and thats true....

But as understanding as one tries to be...

it does not mean we don't get frustrated...

Question is.... are we willing to work things out?

Are our commitments to the other strong enough to pull things through?

Emotions fluctuate in intensity, both love and hate alike...

So what was really real?

You? Me? The problem? The frustration?

Or just... nothing.....

It was all in our minds...?

Bleeding Hearts

I spoke to my friend at work today...
She had so much pent up inside her...
These past few years, and all the hardship she has gone through...
And as i watched and comforted her through her tears...
Allowing her to release, and heal...

I felt my heart bleed...
Drip drip drip....
i kept listening as i provided comfort....
eyes tearing as i shared her sorrow...
Words were random, some unexpressed...
And i allowed her to release her frustrations while my heart
dripped tears of blood...

As i sat there... and heard her pains....
I felt mine......

I pray my heart will not harden from the many challenges this world will give me..
I pray i will continue to trust no matter how many times i get hurt...
I pray I will be able to continue to love fully without fear...
I pray that love will never turn into indifference or hate... no matter what may happen...

Just random contemplations

Looking back these past few months..
It has been a major roller coaster ride..
Physically, emotionally and mentally..
So much has happened and so much has changed...

I've become stronger in some ways..
commiting to something and going all out for it..
Tho my methods may not always be correct...
I'm learning...


Yes.. at times it's frustrating...
As it always is when i try to put my views across..
Something i have not always been good at..
Sometimes it comes out wrong....


I have not been as calm as i normally am..
possibly because of what is at stake...
But then again... this is a start...
This is a beginning....
And i will pull thru...
and from this... I am sure, comes bigger things...


I always wanted a space.... green, calmness and clean air...
Where people come to heal....
Now i have green walls.... and polluted air...
Calmness can be created.... people can still come to heal...

It dosen't get better then this....
At least not for now....

At this moment... this is where i am ment to be...
I shall no longer fight it.
Lets just Work on the being....
Lets just work on the now...
I remember my prayer....



"By thought, speech and actions, whatever good merits done
in the past present and future i share them for the welfare and benefit of all beings,
May all beings be free from suffering and it's causes,
May all beings find happiness and it's causes.
May all beings take care of themselves happily.

May i bring healing, peace, love and truth to the world,
And may i be guided and guide in time of need,
May i meet the right people at the right time and the right places,
That work be done for the betterment of all beings
May i continue to grow in wisdom and compassion for the benefit of others

And if at any time this affirmation is shaken...

And at the moments when i am weak, and lose my sight,
May I have strength, humility and wisdom to walk the straight path again. "

So Be it.... So be it... So be it...

And it shall be done...

I do not think it's hard to get me to talk,

Just that i need things to instigate the conversation,

As a child i was always contemplative..

thinking about the ways of the world...

planning how i'd like my life to be....

I always had difficulty talking about emotions.

Writing was always easier..

I wanted to be a spiritual guru you see..

And was always avoiding getting too deep in the so called worldly path..

I visualized a big land, where people would come and heal,

where they would then go out and train others and continue the healing cycle.

I visualized a world full of love and abundance..

Now that i am grown, i find, things are not always like that...

i am not always able to connect to my higher being, for at times i'm lost

Many instances i have reacted with lack of wisdom..

There are no manuals to refer to you see...

and judgements can sometimes be severely clouded.

Wat started good, may not always be the best.

I have found that people are nice,

And that certain things happen for certain reasons.. which i mostly dunno what.

A guest told me during my worst times it was a phase...

this challenge i faced, and it was part of finding spirituality...

We sometimes need to see our worst to find our best

We laughed at each others worst habits...

Hers arrogance, mine a martyr... never voicing my thoughts..

Each having a payback that is hard to drop...

I was so adamant about walking a spiritual path you see...

and now i find myself going into something i swore i would avoid...

Perhaps i need to find the spirituality in the business world...

It's not about the handling of people you see... thats the easy part...

It's about keeping the business running...

How do I do that and still not lose part of myself?

How does a business person earn and reach the dream without pressing on others?

Perhaps it's time to just reach the dream without pressing on others..

Perhaps it's just about let go and just be......

I shall meditate now....